my heart is breaking..

I totally understand what you are going through. My name is Monica, I have ovarian cancer. I found out like months ago and I started chemo.

I am so sorry for your lost. It is totally scary living with cancer, I feel like I'm putting my family through hell. I understand you love and miss your mom. You are going through so much right now

i am here for you whenever you want to talk or need a shoulder to cry on

sending you big understanding hugs
Monica

Thanks Monica. I am so sorry to hear that you were diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It is such an awful thing to have to go through. Please don't feel like you are putting your family through hell.... It's not you, its the cancer and the fear of losing someone they love so much. My mom and I didn't talk about it much before she died.. it was just too hard and it was easier to have hope and stay in denial. However, now I wished we would have had the courage to cry together about it.. we were just hoping for more time and trying to be strong for each other. How are you doing with the chemotherapy?

My heart truly gose out for you and you and your family will be in my prayers. you need to keep a focus on the children. Explain to them that grandma and grandpa are in the perfect place. and have them each get a story from your dad that they will be able to share when he passes. this will be able to help them hold onto that special memory of him for the rest of there lifes, they may be gone but never forgotten.

im not going to say im sorry...i have most def learnt how empty those words sound since i lost my daughter...i will say to hold on to the good memories and all the fun times you had with your parents. I lost my uncle who was like a father to both me and my girls on 11/18/11 and then 3 short weeks later my beautiful baby left us. while ill never understand how and why this happen. i do know that the death of my uncle hurt her so very bad it seem to have taken her will to live. it was her first experince of death so close. they will very tight and she always said she'd never love another man in her whole live like she did "daddy"...she was away at college just starting out. 18 and just full of life...but he passed before she could get back home and that just torn her apart....i know what that feels like, my heart hurts so bad at time i want and you do to lay down and sleep...just let the pain go away. i just wish i was there with her to tell her to fight, cuz she had me and her sister here and not to leave us....

my words to you are simply...hold on. it hurts like hell, but yet and still just hold on... (((hugs)))

I feel your pain trust me! I'd come from a huge family second oldest of eight siblings! I'd never took death easily bc you have to deal with the pain on the other side. On 11/2010, 1/16/2011, 02/28/2011 & 1/5/12 ..... I"d lost my Godmother to natural causes (sick) we both prepared ourselves knowing she wasn't going to be around 2 much longer. My baby brother 22..... The last time I saw him was @ my Godmother's funeral, someone took his life. My first cousin (male) 34. He attended my baby borthers funeral, that was the last time i'd hug & saw our cousin "We played together all the time during our childhood years....."someone took his life! "It sounds crazy but they both were great men whom wasn't violent ppl, just innocent individuals wrong place @ the wrong time, enjoying the nightlife. My lil sister whom died recently in her sleep. She was 26. "I'd last spoke to her on 1/1/2012. "Basically what I'm trying to say is I've never had the chance to mourning nor heal from a brokering heart, didnt get the chance to goodbye, hug, kiss, nor prepare myself for their sudden death! When a person dies natural causes it's a blessing bc you can prepare yourself, but in my case I'd suffer chronic pain for seven years..... Now I'm trying to heal my heart & my kids. "just know your mother isn't suffering now and you were able to say Goodbye:-))) love your story! I feel your pain

Thank you for your responses. it helps to hear others stories, although I wish you all did not have to feel the loss too. It really means the world to me. I just feel so alone. I keep telling myself that I need to go talk to someone, get help in some way..but the pain and sorrow are just so paralyzing I cant seem to do anything more than is absolutely necessary to just make it through the day for my kids. I am hoping that I can connect here to become strong enough to ... I don't know what, I guess just make it through the pain. I just miss my mom so much. I swear I see someone that looks or smells like her and I just want to hug them. Sad I know. And now I have to gear up to lose my dad. I am breaking :(

im just done don't know what to do im hurting so bad want to just be with that special girl of my dreams somebdy please give me some advice im hurting my heart is breaking im not sure where to turn i just want to cry my eyes out..... somebody please feel like im falling and can't stop until the right one catches me help!!!!! so confused

I am so sorry for your loss of your mother and the illness of your father. my parents will be married 44 years this april 21. i have been through a bad divorce for the past few years. my parents, especially my dad, have been my lifesavers. my dad has been to every court hearing, every trial. he has fixed things in my house, worked on my car, etc. he even taught my 2 little boys how to "pee" like big boys. my kids just all had birthdays, my daughter who was the first grandchild turned 13 this month, my son turned 7 on 12/29 and my baby turned 6 on 2/24 when my dad was diagnosed. my baby is named after my dad and looks just like him. they have an unmistakeable bond. the thing that makes me the saddest is that my dad won't be here to teach them how to be good men and good husbands. i'm afraid they won't remember him. my daughter worships him and they are closer to him than they are to their dad. i am truly devastated. i can't imagine life without him. we have always been close but have gotten closer than ever since my divorce. i'm here and know how you feel. i'm still trying to process this and pray that God will give me strength to be strong for him and my mom and to let him live his last days fully and without pain. love to you, stacey

god bless all of you hope things get better....

Hi. I too lost my mom to cancer, a little over a year ago. My birthday is this weekend, and it makes me miss her even more. I also recently started a new part-time job to supplement my income. The problem is it's in a hospital. It's a good job, and I know I'm helping people, but it's very emotionally hard for me to be around the sights, sounds and smells that remind me of the last and worst week of my mother's life. Even the positive things remind me of her. She was a CNA (nurse's aide) in a nursing home for almost 30 years, so when I bring a patient water or a pillow I am reminded of the work she did. She also had knee and hip replacements before she got sick and I had helped her around the house and took her to physical therapy then. I am now a physical therapist assistant, and in the hospital, most of my patients are recovering from those same surgeries, using the same equipment and doing the same exercises. Even though I am helping them, it reminds me of times I helped Mom and just makes me miss her more. My dad has COPD, a chronic long-term lung disease, and I worry about how much longer he will be around. My sister is about to have her 3rd child, the first one who will not know her grandma. My children will not have a grandma, since I don't have any yet. That saddens me. My partner's mom also died of cancer almost 3 years ago. I HATE CANCER!!!
A few things that have helped me and may or may not help you are:
talking to my best friend, who happens to be a counselor (although she has never lost anyone very close to her), talking to my partner, who also lost her mom, going to grief support groups and sharing with others who have lost loved ones, doing things my mom used to love, like singing, listening to country music (which I used to hate) and taking pictures. It's especially helpful to focus on activities we both enjoy...it's helpful to see how much of her lives on in me. Prayer and being in church also helps me. I am not much of a writer, but occasionally journaling my feelings is helpful too. That seems to help people who like to journal anyway more though. How do you handle other hard feelings and situations? Do you pray? Talk to a friend? Write? Soak in the tub and cry? Commune with nature? Those things that give you comfort during other hard times may help some in your grief. A couple of weeks ago, I was at the beach. I stayed until after sunset, when almost everyone was gone. I sat in the dark with my feet on the edge of the sand, letting the waves come up on my toes and talked out loud to my mom. It was nice. I looked down and noticed a clean, white seashell near my feet. I love collecting seashells. I took it as a gift from Mom. I keep it near a photo of her. Looking at photos and telling friends about them helps me too...I even put together a slide show with photos of Mom set to music. I made DVDs for the whole family and her closest friends, but I haven't mailed them yet. It took me a year to get it done and it's been done for over 3 months...I guess I'm just not ready yet. Be patient with yourself and do the best you can. Keep posting and reading here if it helps. I'll be praying for you.