How do you keep your "normal" life going after a huge loss?

By Cathy413 on Thu, 02-23-12, 06:31

Posted in Group:

Grief

Maybe I am really asking how to establish a "new normal" life...but here goes -

Almost 3 weeks ago, our family suffered a huge loss. My son and his wife were expecting twins - our first grandchildren. She went into labor early (29 weeks) while my son was out of town. Our grandson was stillborn, and our little granddaughter is in the NICU - but doing very well. Obviously, we try to visit her every day. In that same couple of weeks, our family has had several small crisis,(3 car accidents, a broken hip, major organization shake up with my husband's company) which normally we would handle easily, but it all seems like it is just piling up on us. Add to that I had a personal health scare with a mass on my kidney. Here is what makes it tough and almost has me to the breaking point. My boss has all of a sudden become very insensitive, and when I needed to leave work "early" (although I had been here 8 hours) to pick up radiology reports for my appointment, he told me he did not want me leaving "early". I now feel like I am trapped at work, unable to deal with any other crisis that come up, and it is all just falling in on me. I am always the one in our family that handles the load. I am just not sure how much longer I can take it. Last night - our little doggie has something wrong with her, I don't know when I can take her to the vet except this weekend but I worry about waiting that long. I can't take her right after work because of "required" meetings that last until late. I can't afford to take time off without pay, and I question that the insensitive people here at work would let me do that anyway. How do you keep life going and work going in the middle of all of this turmoil when people are not understanding? It isn't like I am not working my 40+ hours a week. It seems like all of this is happening at once, but I know that is not true, it is just too much on top of the big concern we have now. I don't know that anyone can provide an answer, but it does kind of help just to get it off my chest.

Thanks for listening....

Login or register to post comments
0 Support

By scarlett'slyrics on Sun, 02-26-12, 22:34

Cathy, thank merciful God that the baby is doing very well. And I’m deeply sad that one little one went back to the Lord. Heaven knows that this is sad and great news. But still, even with this glimmer of hope, the matter is at the very core of long-suffering, at least for now. Some one is going to have to breakthrough with human sensitivity and take responsibility to help produce a situation that is reliable for your needs. Are you nearby to a church community? No matter what, there are those who care and will be willing to help out in crisis. You say that you are usually the one dealing with family crisis, but now is a good time to share the load. Can you possibly take a family-based company leave of absence? I understand the financial concerns though. But perhaps you can use unused vacation days for pay as means of financial support. In some cases, employees volunteer to work and pool extra hours, donating the money to the disabled employee. Some are even known to take up donations of money as a gift just to help those severely limited employees who are out of work and suffering with meager funds. I really do hope that some useful ideas work out to your favor. Try to focus and find your peaceful mind and then you will develop a clear view of how to approach this matter with good judgment. I hope for the best for you.

Support Points: 1240

Badges

Offline

By jojo35 on Thu, 03-29-12, 07:24

i am so sorry for loss of grandson but thankfuly granddaughter is doing well.. doesnt take the pain away but, helps alittle.. i am truely sorry best wishes

Support Points: 1790

Badges

Offline

By jojo35 on Fri, 03-30-12, 06:25

my son passed away 6 years ago this october... he was 13 days old.. I cant say how sorry i am for you because it just dont help.. I cant say it is gonna be easy because its not.. i can say in time it helps you never forget all u do is learn to live with it.. I wake up some days and wonder what he would look like and be doing.. i went on to have another boy.. which helps but i miss my son alot.. the first holidays are hard and u will wonder all the time.. but, just know he is in a better lace and one day you will see him again.. grief is so hard to work through i went to meetings for awhile to help but i just have to keep going for my other kids.. you have to come to terms with it and then it will all fall into place.. i cant say how or when but it will.. it will always hurt but get less.. i hope you all get through this and your grandaughter is strong and healthy..GOD never puts more ten u can handle on your... i knew my son was gonna pass at 18 weeks along and carried him and had a hard time give your self the time to greive for your grandson... best wishes!!!

Support Points: 1790

Badges

Offline

The information provided on SupportGroups.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information and interaction provided on this site is solely for informational and educational purposes and does not constitute the practice of medicine. Information on this site does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of SupportGroups.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, application of medication or any other action which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Please see our Legal Statement for further information.