i cried today...

By Puddinsgal on Sun, 02-19-12, 23:37

Posted in Group:

Grief

ive been doing better not crying so much or just taking a deep breathe when i feel the tears coming... not crying in front of other although all i want to do is cry....but today (at church) they sang her song...the one that only she was asked to sing!!! the one that make ppl shout and catch the Holy Ghost??!! yeah that one...i mean i had a pretty bz day i was doing good. stay bz so i wont think about it. but then today when i heard it and it wasnt from her...i broke...and im still broke! i just cant stop crying it hurts soooo much!!

she was ( i had past tense) the right side of my heart. my first born...18 and beautiful. just about everyone that met her loved her. and that smile??? the brightest one in the world! she was so happy and i swear she was (that frigging past tense again) going to be GREAT!!! she use to alway say she was going to be famous that we would read about her....and to my hearts dismay i did.

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By CK on Wed, 02-22-12, 05:21

I think the firsts are the hardest, the ones that rip whatever bandages we have managed to put over our gaping wounds and send the grief pouring all over us again. It seems so continually unfair, I can say from experience of losing someone so dear that they seemed an extension on myself or me an extension of them that the pain does mellow, but it never goes away. I don't mean to be discouraging, but simply to be honest. In reality would we ever want their memory to disappear, the pain that remains is just that feeling that they should be here at this event or we should be marking a special day in their life. This is all so fresh and new for you, take your time mourning properly, do something in her honor that will allow you to have a special place to remember her, plant a tree, erect a bench, create a memorial in your house, whatever works for you and allows you to calmly mourn and process your thoughts.

Wishing you brighter days ahead-
CK

Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast-Alice in Wonderland

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