second time around

Hi- yes, It's certain to feel out of the loop because you’ve spent so much time with responsibilities in the process of loss. Another reason is that death does not often give much notice or time to prepare, and it oftentimes leaves us hopelessly complaining and searching for the proper methods to understand, cope and heal. And even though there may be a few times where others were attempting to prepare it’s still difficult to find release and peace after death. It’s best not to spend so much time looking for the precise nature of pain. I hope that you’ve considered bereavement counseling or psycho-therapy. If things are much worse than that of the previous loss, it may be best to get help soon in order to heal the mental and emotional pain and move forward. Healing the soul is a wise solution as well. You can do this by the holistic approach to grief as well. A few ideas: Allow your tears to flow freely; meditate or make contact with your spiritual dimensions; talk about your feelings with family and friends; pamper your body by using all the senses (listening to comfortable music, a hot bath with aromatherapy, treating yourself to a good movie, outdoor activities, sports events, light shopping, learning a new craft, playing with children, adopting a pet from a local shelter, visiting the sick, writing or journaling, writing a letter to your departed loved one or just imaging what their voice to you would tell you, finding a new skill or craft, reconnecting with loyal friends, traveling to old and new places for the sake of clearing the mind and rest, only to name a few ideas to deal with grieving. What is important is staying active and not feeling sorry for yourself or attempting to cover the pain by alcohol or non-prescription drugs. Get plenty of sleep and eat healthy foods. Take your time and keep a positive outlook on your progress. Best to you!

it hurts when u cant say good-bye. because it was so unexpected...

I understand your pain, I too did not get to say good-bye, and our losses are so close, mine was Feb 4, 2012. Everyone tells me the pain will slowly go away over time, however, it is now that I need help with the pain. I do not know what to say other than I am sorry. (((((hugs)))))

I so understand where you are at in your loss... hugs to you! I lost a husband to lung cancer in 2004.. he was diagnosed in October and was gone December 1st of that year. I eventually met another and was married in 2008.. i lost him to pancreatic cancer in August of last year.... such is life. The huge holes of emptiness that is left inside can sometimes be unbearable. My heart goes out to you. I know you have heard that time heals... i know its hard, but it really does. Although the pain never really goes away.. those holes slowly begin to shrink as we live each day. New memories replace old.. nothing heals like the laughter of a child. Just remember - take care of you!!!